she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
