I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
