just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
