she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
