Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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