My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
