i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
