I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
