why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
