I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
