All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
