But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
