I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
