so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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