If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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