Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
