My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
That was an excessively violent trivia night
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
