a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
