You made me cry and you don't even care
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
