I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
