listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
