I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
