But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
