I cockslap morals
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you didnt know i had herpes?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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