There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
