"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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