The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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