I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
