my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
