I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
