tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
