i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
