the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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