Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
