last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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