i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
