What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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