I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
