Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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