Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
