if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
