when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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