these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
