I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
