I should be sponsored by Trojan
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
