They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
