He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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