I just saw a hot homeless man
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
