WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
