I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Someone shattered a urinal.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
