I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
