at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
