6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
