I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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