He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
